Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
