She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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