He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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