You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
