its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i believe in u and ur pee
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
