I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
