I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
