First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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