I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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