Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize