i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
