dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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