Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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