eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
