ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
they're like a gay fantastic four
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
