If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
