Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
