I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
