Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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