Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
