the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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