he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
