I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
