Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
