Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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