So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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