Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
