i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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