You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were trust falling into bushes
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
