My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
