i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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