Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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