i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
