and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize