dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
