I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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