we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
