were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
