are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
