I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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