I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
