Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
