ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
