Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize