she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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