So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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