seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
