you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
