Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
