his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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