He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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