Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
