So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
