Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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