Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
