Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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