I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
