We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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