fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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