He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
