I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
NoShamevember. You game?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
