PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
