I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
