I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sober January is a disaster.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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