Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
