did you get engaged???
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
